Realization

Journey with smiles

2012-02-09T09:46:00.000-08:00

Credit:

Smile

http://xx-Fudgee.deviantart.com/

I'm counting down and in 10 days, my Final Year Project will be over.

How did days get pass so fast that I didn't even realise it's almost the end of my journey?

I'm not sure why too, but I feel like laughing it off. I am still not done with my work.

But I need time for myself to work. If it means to leave my house to concentrate, not sleep for the night, I will do it. Time is running out. Going so fast.

I just hate to disappoint myself, 2 seniors who made much effort to make everything work yet I'm distracted.

I think I'm just afraid.

Still can't figure what I really want.

Actually, I kind of had it planned.

My mom's determined to get me into University.

Yet, I'm so dying to get experience and fulfil what I have not done.

1. Get experience from industry and work on portfolio.

2. Go Taiwan and visit my best friend.

3. Go Vancouver for my backpacker trip and visit Thomas too.

4. Go Australia and visit my cousin.

So much to do and I'm lacking of money.

I'm going to earn my way there and my university fees.

I hate to disappoint my mom but I don't want to dash her hope.

I'm not someone who gives up what I want. It's been my dream to be a University Graduate. Just that it's not my time yet. I know she meant well but she hopes that after my graduation, I'll do her proud. I swear that in time, I will. Just that I need to get my direction right.

I know I'm losing my smile whether it's on this turning point, my Graduation, my friendship or my relationship.

Maybe I'm just not good in expressing myself.

Maybe I'm a klutz in handling my life.

Maybe I've always been so bad with socialising.

But I'm not giving up. Some people thought I'm living well. I jolly well know that people are talking behind my back. So what.

Friends, I need to be honest. I need to be tactful of what I've said and not blunt. I'll keep it badly in mind that to speak to you, I will mind my word. I can take longer time to answer but it's always better to speak later than speaking the wrong things. Now, I'm not naive and I won't be trusting people easily anymore.

Relationship. Let go when it's not yours. He has a decision already. When he's moved on, it's time that I should. Whatever we have said is just reminisce. No one will blame me for thinking of him. But it's time to let him go. I will honour my words to not only enjoy my trip over there of his invitation, I will enjoy every part of my expedition of my back packer trip. YAY.

Just getting everything right and figuring my direction. I know what I want.

Another 2 years later, I'll be so brave to study University that I want and supporting myself of the fees and expenditure. This is growing up. Well, it's never too late to try.

Keep going. I shall head on with my journey.

And for now, enough of sharing. Time to work on my project.

Till later!

fear

2011-11-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

Fear is intangible, within the deepest mind that allows it.

For the fact it's unreal, it's up to one to revoke anytime.

It emerges and grows like virus until you stop.

It's insecurity.

I came back school from internship.

Wrecked confidence and insecurity.

Everyone here is so brilliantly good at this.

I am no where near.

I believe I would achieve.

I'm just losing confidence in how strong I am in the industry.

I'm naive.

Many others are choosing options out.

I'm staying.

I thought I was wrong about my choice.

But I belong here.

I fear.

For the fact that I will lose.

Within myself, it is growing.

I can't seem to start working.

Now I know.

Life is simple.

Start to let it go.

Start to move on, plan, work, try.

If it takes thrice the effort to achieve what people did, I'll do double of what they have put in.

Gaining by giving up

2011-09-05T03:11:00.000-07:00

Life is unpredictable.

Everyone starts from somewhere.

The highest achievement is not being sore and stay neutral.

To be able to accept the good and the bad naturally.

When a person is neutral and don't hold onto what might not belong to them,

They have nothing to lose.

I won't expect too much, I won't lose much either.

At least to whatever I have now.

In near future too.

If a person have held on too tightly to a mindset,

the person cannot move on either.

To this, I cheer myself.

Letting go of things is giving yourself a leeway to breathe.

Go with the flow of nature.

Now, we're all clear.

Actually, in life

I've been expecting too much.

I want a better life.

I want a talented smart decent boyfriend.

I feel that studies hasn't been too smooth.

But what is smooth sailing life?

A mundane life that was all set for me?

But what's the point when I can learn nothing from a lesson of hardship?

If obstacles make me grow, it's harmless to experience.

Now time to be a big girl and think of the big picture.

In the long run, I've experienced more than anyone else does.

It's a bliss.

Some people didn't even get to experience it.

I will learn to cherish.

Please bless me that with this wisdom, it has brought me further in life.

Lost goodbye

2011-08-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Lost by ~spako

It's okay to lose something you cherished.

That's when you get to learn appreciation.

I had a hunch yesterday.

I know I will lose something.

I lost the earring Thomas gave.

My dad told me he found it in the living room.

It doesn't suit my ear anymore.

Actually,

I don't see him around anymore.

Maybe he blocked me, maybe he deleted me, maybe he ignored me.

But I think I don't really care anymore.

This has went on for too long.

What else can I do?

Because you always disappear.

I placed the earring into the box you gave.

Even the scent of your shirt is gone.

It marks the end.

I sealed everything inside with all the memories.

Place the box in a quiet corner.

I hope you're doing well.

Because I don't think I have the strength to go on missing you every time

when you're no longer there for me.

Goodbye.

Done and over

2011-08-15T03:22:00.000-07:00

Ow. I have nothing to do for work now.

Oh dear, I'm not sure if this is right.

But I'm watching show almost everyday, doing my own thing.

If there is nothing to do for now, I'll do my Final Year Project in advance.

I'm preparing my studies, intending to take SAT with a friend whom I have known for years.

Well, it's late but not too late, I hope.

I'm so tired. I couldn't sleep last night.

My body clock is screwed up again.

I slept 12 hours straight on the weekends.

Or maybe I'm too excited over the new furnitures.

Little things to update.

I'm leaving everything to cool.

The more I do, the better I feel.

Yes. Everything that happened too quickly.

He's happy. I think I am too.

I'm accepting this fact gradually, how impossible it is.

Even though he exists, he's invisible in my life.

I don't know anymore.

But it's fine.

I know I'm going in the right direction.

She said the spiritual support will be surpassed very very soon.

I believe so too.

One day, I will.

A rainbow paint over my face.

Watch me fly.

Night out.

2011-08-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

Credit to *aleksandra88 from DeviantArt (Photo: 95189).

We're better together.

Oh, just little thought of my little brain.

I'm kinda tipsy bitsy happy now.

Don't be mistaken.

I'm not in love.

I just got to my internship company.

It's been about a week, almost two.

I love being around here.

People here are very kind and amicable.

And opps.

I'm late today.

I'll keep reminding myself to be earlier.

It's today and yesterday.

I'm getting later each day.

But I believe I can. I'm just real tired.

But no excuse.

Here, I'm laughing almost everyday.

I'm not sure how and why.

But I'm enjoying the company of everyone.

First few days, I get to familiarize with the environment.

We played foosball

Get to have nice breakfast in pantry

PS3 and nintendo wii or even xbox in lounge.

And after work, feel free to go there!

They invited me over to one of the colleague's birthday, Kim's.

I get to know them better.

Junction

2011-07-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

This is the third day after submission, also my presentation.

A part of me hasn't grow up.

I get the reason why I feel

I'm just trying very hard to know who I am, find out what I can be.

Without a reason

Without a purpose

Life is pretty dull.

I lost my faith of what I believed I want be.

I'm not as capable as my classmates.

I'm not as creative

I am too cautious.

When you have frame yourself up in a picture

You can either focus on a goal

Or you have limited your possibilities.

That was what I did.

I always thought I wanted to be a designer.

It's been 2 years plus and counting.

All these while, I have been trying to convince myself that this is what I love to do.

But something is lacking and I couldn't tell what.

Times and times that idea struck me that this is not enough.

I think this time, this project, this lifestyle tells me enough how much I want to stay here.

Everyone around me has seen the part of me that hate it.

They have seen my joy too.

But hate to break my bubble, my heart, my dreams, my ambition, my thought.

I realized that even if I tried very hard

I may not cut out to be in this place.

I love doing designs but I hate the fact that what I'm doing can just be a mediocre idea.

I'm almost in a clear state of mind as an adult.

Now, this is a junction again.

A decision of which I have to decide what I want to be again.

I'm graduating and with the feeling of losing my job.

Now, I can choose a degree and university I want to be.

This time round

I'm fixed dead here.

My plan was 2 years of working as a designer to earn my fees and experience.

Get a degree overseas independently.

I want to be a teacher probably.

I feel that facing children and educating them is my forte.

I love times when I teach Ailene's son, John.

I love preparing the little things for him.

I love seeing him apply what he had learned.

I'll continue in Design probably.

Or maybe Early Childhood Education.

Then I can still be what I want to be.

I see that in me.

Patience, happiness, passion, learning.

The time when I put on my glasses this morning.

The joy when I heard people calling me teacher.

The inspiration of how much effort teachers, lecturers have tried to save my studies.

Maybe this is a part of me I have yet to discover.

Since I had tried my foremost ambition and failed, I'm willing to take the next risk to be in teaching.

A rough idea.

Thinking.

Still.

Feel them

2011-07-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs51/i/2009/309/a/6/hands___by_nekanya.jpg

Hands are beautiful closeness sense of touch.

These days are a huge fluctuation of emotions.

I feel for the first time, not making a single sense out of my speech, my action and emotion.

I cried three bad times today.

First comes in with him.

I'm getting tired of guessing what he is thinking.

Everyone who is listening to my heart talks would hear his name repeating.

Few days ago, it was his birthday.

I managed to catch him online.

It happened to be the reminder on skype, on facebook that reminded me his day.

What I wasn't expecting the fact that I made another round of confession after he teased.

I wonder a little if it is the work of restlessness at work or fatigue from work.

He gave an ambiguous answer.

I don't know.

Don't wait for me.

I'm going to be alone again.

I can't figure out what he is trying to make out of this sentence anymore.

Neither can I understand what he is thinking.

But from the kindness of friends, they advised to let go and he don't love anymore.

What I have told myself was,

I felt the pain and I'll remember.

Now, I take this pain and live within me.

Keep myself unavailable, knowing that there will be a tide of second pain again.

I can probably use this to turn my attention to higher studies.

I'm an individual self.

I came to the world alone.

How hard can it be to forget the person who's not here and came into my life in silence?

Second strike.

I'm too lucky to be true.

My life has been smooth sailing.

I got into a course that's of such a close interest, almost identical.

I have no worries with school fees.

But I am not cut out to be someone I want to be.

Sometimes, you just won't get what you've wished for.

Even though life is full of choices.

I'm spoiled with choices.

This time, I get this feeling again.

Hitting the rock bottom, despise by my own pride.

I think I can live through this.

I will grant myself a great breath to improve.

Start to fly and soar in my own sky, my own world with my capabilities.

Believe that one day, diligence and sincerity will overwrite my old stupidity of procrastination.

Third and lastly.

Grieving over someone dear.

Given a choice but losing it again.

Feeling what a parent would.

This is a brilliant story.

Anna, the protagonist of "Sister's keeper" by Jodi Picoult.

She was bore for a reason, to keep her sister alive.

They are inseparable.

She is genetically programmed to be a donor for her sister, Kate.

Kate suffers from a rare APL, leukemia at the age of two.

She filed a lawsuit against her parents from medical emancipation of using her kidney, that her sister needs due to kidney failure.

All these years, her parents had placed their attention on Kate for she needed it more than the other two children.

It turns out to be that Jesse, the brother felt left out and Anna who has always been ready to make shift with donation of cells to Kate in any condition that may occur.

The parents are there, wanting to keep them both is left with decision to back off.

Anna is willing to be a donor, yet she wants her life.

She loves her sister so, that kept her in dilemma.

But a twist of fate.

She's lost to a car accident and kept her sister alive.

It just made me feel the pain that I was expecting Kate to die but Anna died in her place.

Well, yes.

The love of sisters,

the love of siblings.

It's not describable.

If I was to give up my life for anyone in the family,

I would like how Anna does it.

Anna had lived her life to the fullest to be keeping her sister alive, in loving memories of her family.

Emotions are just this weird.

The sense of touch.

Physically, emotionally and mentally.

A simple warmth of comfort could bring you warmth.

It assures you that you have no fear, for I am here with you.

Abandoned

2011-07-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/288/e/6/abandoned_city_by_poibuts-d30sdwi.jpg

I can tell the whole world.

This place is a heaven and a hell at the same time.

This photo was found in search of "abandoned".

I moved onto occasional yearning.

I bid goodbye to his best friend who left for Japan weeks ago.

What he had said was,

It is very unlikely that he'll visit.

What was I hoping for.

I told myself,

I will visit him one day in States.

But I have changed my mind.

There's no point in visiting when this person probably can't recognize me when he sees me anyway.

Am I even a friend?

I'm more of an acquaintance.

Can't.

The thought of my replacement, her.

I never existed or belonged in his life anyway.

I don't want to deny anymore.

You can't cut of a string of relation in split seconds.

You can't decide on your own.

You need time.

It is beautiful in my memory.

He didn't exist physically in my life.

But, I pictured him perfect.

He woke up from this dream earlier than me.

I lived in a dream.

Well, I'm a master of abandon now.

I can throw all these away.

I can accept another person into my life.

I snapped awake.

I'd say..

I'm not a beautiful woman.

I don't have pretty face.

But I don't need to be extraordinary.

I'm ordinarily beautiful already.

I deserve something real.

Free Balloons

2011-07-01T08:34:00.001-07:00

http://Orlyanskiy.deviantart.com/art/Balloons-174451476

Credit to Orlyanskiy

Balloons are representation of innocence, joy, happiness and freedom.

I was expecting something great from you.

But it turns out that

I'm not expecting anymore.

I'm freed.

I will miss you for sure.

But you don't exist anymore.

I'm surprised how much I know about you.

You've changed,

or did I not know this "you" existed?

I'm so glad you have moved on.

I pray that you would have a good life ahead with her.

You dreamt of becoming a Chef.

You had a wonderful life in States.

You are going into University.

Your best friend too.

I realized how silly I was to be in love with a person whom I'm not sure of.

You actually talks funny.

You would say things that has no connections and link them up.

You would miss someone whom I don't know and tell me all about it.

You'll laugh and correct my english pronunciation.

You'll have fun in your involvement.

You don't really know what I am talking about.

So much for loving someone.

I can't find a reason to love you anymore.

You are all made up in this mind of mine.

You didn't walk any path with me.

You didn't hold my hands.

You didn't lend me your shoulders to lean on.

Because, you couldn't.

Nothing made sense.

Why am I crazy over you?

I'm like a balloon now.

It feels happy, colourful.

I'm done with my duties.

I'm leaving this zone to explore elsewhere in reality.

I'm freed.

So,

Don't ask if I love you anymore.

Don't ask if I am in love with someone.

All of the above now for sure is,

No.

Time to fly.

Someone I know

2011-05-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

We lost it.

Not reachable anymore.

Are we even friends?

I offered my deepest blessings.

Nothing is anymore.

Stay happy if that is what I can ask of.

===================================

Just when you think you can start with a new plan

It's all ruined.

How much can you gain back if you were the one to destroy?

Can you do it in the beginning when you have promised again?

Because I don't.

When everything was sweet and all clear,

I neglect.

Any amount of sorry won't simmer your wrath.

How irresponsible, is it?

But you don't accept any other reasons for anyone to cross your comfort zone.

You ran a one man show for yourself.

All the rest were just decoration of your christmas tree.

In the end, all we get was nothing of your credit.

You left us out for good.

But it's all good.

I tried my best.

Forcing my way to do what I am supposed to as an appointed leader.

Thank you for guidance and as much appreciation.

I welcome criticism, curses behind my back.

Because if that's what make you feel better for my negligence from the start.

I don't seek forgiveness.

All I wanted to do was to help.

You, me, us.

That's all.

=================================

It wasn't your fault.

Because I made my stand pretty clear.

I made this decision.

So I bear the consequences.

I'm so grateful that you have all along included me.

Being alone is not scary.

It was losing everyone that was scary.

I drew this very thick line that separated us.

You have made all the effort.

I am sorry.

But I don't belong to where all of you are.

At least within a comfort zone that I feel of.

Thank you all these years for the colours you had painted in my life.

===============================

Be careful each and every word you have spoken.

Don't talk too much.

Don't say things in wrong circumstances.

Above was all that would hurt someone.

Directly or indirectly.

Intentionally or unintentionally.

Have I been cautious at all?

I can be a better person.

So delicate,

So fragile,

So naked,

So exposed.

But it's all good.

Because I reflect.

My lies

2011-03-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

When you hurt someone, you'll be the first to experience pain.

With your acknowledgement or not.

A gentle reminder of a promise.

A breach of a promise.

Should I really visit you like I used to plan?

Even though we're strangers?

Making friend with a person you don't know.

Would you blame me for not honoring my words?

There is no special purpose to visit you anymore.

Because it was a promise I forgot.

I didn't want you to hope that I'll be there.

So I lied.

At the very least,

I'll pass by the place you stay in one day.

Without your knowledge.

In the very least,

I'll hide myself well,

So you'll never find me here when you arrived.

Not until I am ready.

I'm sorry.

Because I was the one who lied.

Conscience pricks

2011-02-10T01:45:00.000-08:00

Beneath those smiles laid a thousand tears.

Behind that mask has the ugliest features of life.

If conscience pricks you, you're still humane.

I watched myself turning darker.

A person whom I could hardly recognize.

Some white feathers turned grey.

To you, I got over.

Probably just as in the state of ambivalence.

Or not.

This valentine was a surprise.

With a celebration with friends that made me feel surrounded.

To this, I come into a conclusion that the specialty has became normality.

Because there was this same atmosphere shown,

Another frivolous reciprocal like yours.

I wonder if you would ever blame me for my unnoticed changes after separation?

If you would think that I have became someone like this, so this friendship isn't cherished.

But not,

A part of me shakes your hand happily that had said welcome back to friendship.

Another part says, you're not someone trust-worthy.

And hey, please don't blame.

Face the consequence.

Something you have expected ages ago.

Yes, me.

But yea, I'm sorry.

Yet sorry always come by too late to salvage a happened event.

Forgive me for everything was done but I could not turn back time.

Popularity?

Behind every celebrity in school,

it may have laid the ugliest features that you'd be too shocked to accept.

Do you know,

How people fought to be on top of everyone and gain attention?

It's not natural anymore.

It's pretentious.

Whilst people who has the most beautiful heart circulate and gain trust,

People who doesn't possess one made a virtual heart.

Or worse,

Being notorious makes you look exceptionally cool.

Then, have you look at how many victims you have stepped under your feet?

Are you not afraid that you'll fall to death from that kind of height?

Don't step on the weakest to look better.

You'll look hell of an ugly freak behind your mask.

Everyone,

Please start to think for someone.

Search for a kind heart, kind soul in you.

Because when you do something bad,

you've hidden it too deeply that the angel in you cannot be found.

Finest concern

2011-02-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

"Forgetfulness can be speedy recovery of depression;

But it was the memories that remind me to never make the same mistake."

Why did you even try?

Curiosity kills the cat.

Now, I am full of scratches and bruises.

Some heartache that will only replay like movie alone in the night.

I attempted to escape from what makes me feel sad.

I tried to not remind myself.

This pain woke me up from the dreams at night.

You.

I fell into a trap that I thought I could trust.

Figuring out.

No.

Because I never had a place beneath that chest.

While tracking back to what you have taken away,

Trying to get it back,

I must tumble upon the facts.

Some facts that should have known.

From the beginning till now,

I was the painkiller.

Some medication that you can get away for moments to ease your missing.

For someone else.

How ignorant.

Even if I promised the last piece of myself logically to a rejection,

It went back to concern over feelings.

Thank goodness.

A fair fact that was stated.

"Let this go, let him go, and let me go."

The finest concern,

The finest comfort,

And the final review.

Yes.

Final.

No more.

Departure

2011-01-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

The night lights on my way to Airport was beautiful.

What a familiar place,

But this is a journey I could hardly recognize.

There isn't many people heading there;

And if they do, they have their luggage along with them.

The bus hardly stops.

It was moving so fast that before I know it, I've reached.

Step by step, across the road.

Step by step, through escalator.

I lifted up my head and saw..

"Departure Hall"

An irony, I'm heading towards the Arrival Hall.

I stood there.

My face flushed red.

The kins, the family, the friends, the corporate companies.

All of them are waiting at the point beyond the exit of arrival hall.

I started missing you?

I was supposed to stand here and see you.

Or maybe coming out of this kind of arrival hall, expecting to see you.

Kids ran over to his father, excited.

Companies ambassador shook hands with overseas representatives.

I'm here, waiting for a friend's arrival.

As the time passes, I panicked.

I turned to see if my friend's family are around.

But not.

I've relaxed.

You have reached.

And surrounded by friends and family.

I was speechless.

But my dear,

I'm so happy to see you after so many years.

Now, I know.

The moment of missing would vanish into thin air in seconds.

This moment,

Everything slowed down.

I only see you.

Thank you for coming back.

Thank you for wanting me to fetch you.

Thank you for making me so important.

Because no one else would ever do.

Do you know why?

It's a second attempt in thoughts that I wished that I'm standing here to welcome you.

A person who will never want to see me.

And I realized

How distant we are despite what our status were.

I'll never be like any of the girl you would have dated.

Should I feel happy to be the special girl with special treatment?

It's the same that no one can ever take a special place of how I feel for you.

No, no.

Only people whom you trust and are close to.

Only them who would have the privilege to fetch their loved ones.

Or maybe,

Expected to be fetched.

Wanted to be fetched.

I would have been the same.

We chose to leave.

So why am I still feeling sore?

If I were to choose again,

I would not be together with you.

We remained as strangers.

Yet who once loved each other.

But I never regret receiving the little gifts from you.

Now and then,

When the same cologne used by someone passed by me,

I would turn and look.

Thank you for the little gifts.

It's very sweet.

These gifts will be kept inside this box inside the wardrobe.

And you'll be..

The person that I'll never forget.

With gratification.

Distance. Period.

2011-01-03T21:39:00.000-08:00

Simply asking myself again..

What am I doing right now?

A desire to trust

This time, I feel pretty disheartened.

A mundane life I portrayed.

A physical presence is missing.

One that no one can replace.

And we are given a short time frame to prove what we are.

Given a ever longing period to be separated.

I'm trying very hard to maintain.

Some relationship that no one can understand except the involved parties.

My dear, we are of different worlds.

Can we really make it by 2 years?

At least being there and be the one who really can give you happiness.

Are you the person who does not show how you feel?

Or are you showing that there is nothing much to say except for these.?

Are you getting bored of it?

Or am I way too sensitive?

Let me just stay and watch for a while more.

Because if we can't, we shouldn't hold on for too long.

It's our beliefs.

But the fact is.. Most people don't believe it works either.

Secret gift

2010-12-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

One Republic Secrets

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God
Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to go
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away
All my secrets away

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The change of status.

The nature of human.

Curiosity.

Everyone questioned you,

Everyone prompted me.

We remained silent. ;D

You told me you wished to tell them

That you're the one. ;D

For this,

It's more than anything I need.

Despite the distance,

The doubts in people's eyes,

We believe that we will work out.

All that we need to know.

This is injection of new blood.

To us.

We got all the love that we need. ;D

The promise that will come true only on 2012.

But I can't wait till then.

I fear I can't get there in time.

I wish.. and I'll work very very hard.

Just so to see you.

I miss you so.

Till then, my eyes will all be on you.

I don't want to be separated from you.

But.. We will cherish this love because it's different.

An exception.

So special that it's a dream. ;D

I'll never blame you if you have another love in future because of the distance.

But I know you won't. ;D

There, you can have my hands.

Let's bind the eyes.

We'll walk through it.

It's okay if it is tough.

We have each other.

I'm planning a big big gift for you. ;DDD

I have to hurry!!

And.. your..100星..

What's that.....?????

^ ^

I understand the mysterious surprise you want to give.

ME TOO!!! I won't tell..

25th December.

A love delivered. ;D

PS: I miss you so.. and love you much.

Lovely Christmas

2010-12-09T18:32:00.000-08:00

Hey my dear,

This Christmas you are here.

I know how your Christmas would be like.

A snowy one, with plenty of food and drinks.

With jokes with your friends,

Party, gift exchange.

Gosh, there are so much so much.

I know.. You would love to have more people.

Because to you,

The more the merrier.

Behind us,

Despite the difference in time,

The Christmas lights shine above us.

And I bet you never knew it.

I wanted to make you some cookies for Christmas.

But.. I didn't want it to become ornaments or thrown away after the flight to your home.

Remember you made pizza for yourself,

And I wanted to eat.

But we're too far away.

And this Christmas.

I found you back.

With much regrets and much missing.

If I was around, would you drive me around in town?

Would you bring me to your friends so that we can celebrate Christmas together?

I wish I could ice skate with you.

Wear the same sweater like you do in that weather.

And that won't be the only reason that you get to hold my hand.

You can hold them if you want to.

And while you are there,

Maybe even anxious over what I might send to you even though I only have a rough idea.

I wish I am there to hand this gift I have prepared personally to you.

But I guess,

I have to ask the postman to do the job for me.

And to this grand tiding, this lovely Christmas.

I really wish..

You would have a Merry Christmas.

On the same day, but different time,

When we are not around for each other, on different time,

We would enjoy the parties we have for individual parties.

And send our regards to each other on another side of the Earth.

Imagining we're by each other's side..

This love,

This crush,

This infatuation,

I think I like you.

Merry Christmas.

Confused Fairytale

2010-12-08T03:05:00.000-08:00

How ironic.

It was a year ago that I was confused and heart broken over it.

Now that I am standing strong,

I looked back and questioned myself even more.

You told me the same thing as how I felt a year ago.

Am I supposed to be in disbelief?

You told me that you saw me.

But you didn't dare to approach me.

You told me the entire story behind your departure.

I'm sorry.

But I hate to lie.

Someone taught me a lesson of how special I am.

Someone taught me to choose wisely.

You are so faraway.

I didn't even know if it works.

I didn't know how to react.

I didn't know how to tell you

Because I am not even sure of it myself.

Yes, I love the way I am.

Just the way I am.

You didn't lie.

It was me to hallucinated my fairytale.

Now that this fabricated story came true,

The standing princess feels like walking off?

I'm just confused for now.

I mean, yes, I am.

Give me some time.

I never thought we would be what we think we might be.

But when I didn't see you now,

I felt weird.

Don't grow possession on you, seriously.

And I still continued my sugar talk to people.

They are just comforting words to make me feel happy and better that I'm telling them.

For the others who wanted to hear them.

I should stop it.

Because friendship are cherished.

And.. I will continue to have my fairytale crush on you.

Stop confusion.

Fragile letter

2010-12-06T00:04:00.000-08:00

As much as I would love to,

I won't be able to keep the things I love by my side.

So accepting the fact that

he is ever changing and not possible to be the person I always wanted him to be.

Don't grow possession in your heart.

This child.

He has been crying.

He is walking through his fragile phase.

I believe he would grow up stronger.

Every night, I am in fear.

When I hear news of his disappearance,

It freaked me out.

Despite my lethargic body,

I'm mentally awake.

Nightmares that kept me awake.

Honey, I don't need you to be home early.

I don't need you to be always by my side.

I don't need you to be the person I want you to be.

I don't need you to shove off the sadness you are having right now.

I don't need you to be the strong person I hope you'd be.

I don't mind either to sit by the window till dawn just to wait for your return.

But.

I want you to know.

I love you very much

You are very important in my heart.

Everyone in the family is as important.

I can't lose you.

So don't try it again.

It broke my heart.

We never meant to cooped you up at home.

But we just wanted to see you safe and sound.

That was all.

It is perfectly fine for me now that

You prioritized friends first.

Do you remember?

I used to go out, and you would always ask,

"Where are you going? Can I come with you?"

This is the feeling

I have right now.

If you were to leave the world and never come back,

That moment you will regret.

And honey, can you bring me along if you want to do so?

So you won't be lonely when you leave

So you have me with you.

This is my nightmare every night.

Whoever may forsake you.

But we will never do,

Because we are your only kins.

Whatever we do, whatever you think we are not listening,

Know that it may sound as if we're not supporting,

But we are.

You know,

Humans are egoistic.

Forgive us for not being there when you need us.

Forgive us for not being excellent listeners.

But we promise we will be.

Tell us how you're feeling.

Don't keep to yourself.

Don't think we are not as understanding as your friends.

We won't scold you when you need us.

When you need a shoulder to lean on.

Cry all you want if you wish to.

Please.

Stay by our side.

Life is fragile.

When we lose it, we will not be able to get it back.

Remind yourself that.

And.. imagine the scenes when you left us.

Imagine how short it would be if you left and no one remembers after some times.

My dear,

You have yet to experience how is it like to be loved.

To stepped into the aisle with your future fiancee who is waiting for you.

To watch your first child born.

To watch mom's and dad's hair turn white.

To graduate from university.

To share with us the happiest life that you had been leading.

Promise us

Lend us your ears too.

To listen to our heart.

How we feel for you too.

That we want you here.

For you are the most special person on earth we can ever have.

Just as we are as precious to you.

Love us by staying with us and walk our journey with us.

We love you.

Impulsiveness

2010-11-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

No doubt, I was harsh with my words.

But..

You have indulged yourself too much in self-sympathy that you blame about possible factors.

It may not be totally his fault.

You don't have to put blames on him all at a go.

We know you blame him to a certain extent.

Then please compare.

Is this girl more important than us?

I didn't say the way he did things are right.

But the fact is

You magnified his bad and minimized his good.

Everyone don't look at his good intentions when he does things.

Almost every time.

Please consider this as a factor.

I can't talk to you right now at all because you are not willing to listen.

You are not ready to talk to yet.

Then please give yourself some time to think through well.

It just pains me that

This elder brother, yours.

He did a lot.

He feels for you.

He talked to us, he called us when we were in school.

Just for you, just about you.

While you ignored his love for you, please still regard him as your brother.

Please do forgive him for his impulsiveness in time to come.

Happy rain

2010-11-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

This will be a long post.

I'm walking through the rain.

Let the wind blows them off.

Let it rain on me.

That will fade those dullness off and reveal my bright colours.

I enjoyed looking at the sky while it is raining.

So much.

I was smiling those silliness off.

We, will always stay as strangers you call it,

Will remain on the same spot,

Calling each other the names that will fade off one day.

Then, we will not recognize each other on the street and walk passed each other.

I'm worn out.

It's her.

The other her whom you're waiting for.

How many more relationships of another her?

You, who waits and another waits.

And you get hurt so deeply.

You refused to let me hold that hand to give you the little warmth.

So, I could only feel and watch.

Feeling thrice of your pain.

This final confession before dismantling me up.

*Deep Breath*

That little children's wall is done.

Their innocence.

They ran up to it and hugged the train.

That sense of satisfaction after more than a month's effort.

It made it all worthwhile.

And all I need to remember is,

This joy I have gained in the rain.

My happy rain.

Out of mundane

2010-11-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

I should sought to look for novelty out of mundane life.

I started to try out new things in life.

I searched for someone special.

But often, we don't know each other well.

Only when we do, we did not needed to be too close.

So this time,

I would keep this as simple as possible.

While we do, we understand our strength and weakness.

Is he expecting this anyway?

Am I clinging too much?

Am I thinking too much?

Am I expecting too much?

Am I over reacting?

I don't know.

As far as it goes

I thought my life would change.

For real this time.

Whether a choice of the future career path or a partner I wished to walk with me.

For every smile

2010-10-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

It's mural painting again today!!! :D

How happy to see the work accomplishment.

I'm already anticipating the smiles of children!

"WOW, I have a train outside my school. And this is ME!"

Even though it is a rush to complete everything by next weekend

It made it all worthwhile to see the happiness on faces.

Just after today's hard work in painting

We are invited for buffet with aunt.

Perfect meal with a coach of GRAMPS! ;D

They were so happy to see us about 2 years later.

They had an invitation 2 weeks later to Genting.

I think,

We have to miss this trip for our studies. ;D

Such a happy start of weekend

With the smiles from both most adorable age group of people.

Laughter is my source of motivation.

Innocent heart

2010-10-29T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm holding this little star that I grabbed from the sky.

But this time, I chose to let go.

Because

It desperately wants freedom.

The feeling of

You are letting it go because

It has be in the sky.

I still believe that a simple smile for day

It has already brightened up.

I don't have to grab one more happiness

That is unnecessary.

I would rather this person

To soar in the sky.

Shine brighter than any other stars.

So someone else sees it.

Now, now, simplicity of life has made me enjoy what I have so much.

Let nature takes its course.

What I have around is already bliss.

I'm sure that's all I need.

Faithless

2010-10-28T20:06:00.000-07:00

Have anyone told you not to walk this path before you even mature before?

Now that you have fallen; even stepped on sharp stones.

Do you dare to walk the same path ever again?

That is precisely why you choose to back off.

Me.

I'm fearful.

More than anyone.

I have no faith in relationship.

I really enjoyed being single.

I really am happy that in return, I have freedom and friends.

But

To step out of this comfort zone and head off to the same path.

To experience the same heart break.

To put in effort and got nothing back.

To feel sad.

I would rather

Never to let myself fall.

I have no confidence.

At all.

I was

Blamed

For being in one.

I was

Hurt

Without consolation.

Now that I have stood up

Would I even dare to give faith to the same situation?

Would I give in?

I think not.

That's plain stupidity

Who has watched me fall and sniggered.

Love?

2010-10-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Take a deep breath.

Breathe.

This is really amazing.

I'm surprise at how emotions and moods works.

For this moment, I couldn't stop smiling.

Because I saw yours.

I'm still waiting for the day to come.

Even though I know nothing may come out from it.

Or maybe it will.

I keep missing.

That person.

And hey, I see the heart that I was finding.

Well, I knew for sure.

Everyone doubt.

Because the way we meet is my first love re-encounter.

Even I doubted myself.

Even I don't put high hopes.

Let's just stay this emotion this way.

It is endless to disappoint until this little hand of mine is held with your little hand.

Love is around.

Leaving

2010-08-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

The moment I come here, I wanted to write.. "Dear Diary"

This is my secret platform.

Where I can at least tell what I feel.

And no one else.. who knows the exact me telling this story.

This is the beauty of online diary.

What are our friendship made of?

I started to doubt myself.

You.

Told me.

That.

Just need to.

Believe.

Is that true?

Are our friendship made up of work?

It consist so much mixture.

I couldn't even differentiate what our friendship is made up of.

Why do you look at me with that eyes?

That.. I feel so guilty.

That I couldn't forget that look.

I'm full of admiration for you.

But..

You're right.

I'm too emotional.

You're not the first one to say that.

You were patient.

You cheered me up.

You tried to help me.

You guide me.

You encouraged me.

But you still think I have misconception.

So am I?

I'm looking back.

At everyone in the team.

Can you.. tell me which way to go?

I'm leaving.

But.. Why do I stay?

I can't find a reason.

We.. are supposed to move on and

Achieve our own little dreams of our own.

Thank you for everything.

I should leave by now.

Feel

2010-07-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

We are mere humans aren't we?

We have emotions.

This child, he has been silently crying for help.

But to no avail.

It is like..

Animal needs food,

Plant needs water,

And human needs love.

I try the lenient way.

It all means trust now.

You know what you are doing.

Carelessness

2010-06-28T00:17:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired.

This weekend, I haven't had enough rest.

My leg had a scratch by the rusty nail.

And ever since, I started fever.

Probably, the weather wasn't good either.

Resulted in this.

Design students fear missing a day.

Especially when italian homework will flood us like crazy.

I only need a while more of rest.

Hopefully it will subside in 2 days time.

I see loads of work coming. T T

But I'm happy with an announcement though.

University scholarship fair.

I should attend.

Probably, it will be better than looking for bits of answer from each university.

Will they come with me?

My papa's day :D

2010-06-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Happy papa's day!!!

It has been almost 2 decades ever since he knew me and took care of me.

My allowance.

My laughter.

My tears.

My education.

My life.

He gave them to me.

And in the midst, we had this celebrated with my dear mum.

Her birthday is near too. ^ ^

Happy birthday, mama.

I would say.. My sister and I had given him a hard time. ^ ^

He never rest when he gets home after work.

Right after dinner and a bath, he would start to spend time to play with us.

Years passed, his hair has turned white.

He no longer has as much energy to run around like we do.

He gets sentimental when he thinks about sad things.

He flares up when he feels injustice.

He gave us life.

To this special day, we honour him with a title of "Most Wonderful Father".

Told ya. Don't you think he's cheeky?

He ate the template and gave smiles that looks like Simpsons.

I feel like hugging him then.

He was asking, "Is this edible?"

Then he ate the medal.

Then.. He started to daze, trying to eat.

This is the cake for my parents.

The first salary that my brother brought home.

It was sweet and happy. ^ ^

He has grown up and took care of the family.

We will have good life soon. ^ ^

I love gorgor too~ ^ ^

There, we have the 2 main leads to cut the cakes.

They are the 2 important people in my life.

My brother took the courtesy to cut the cake for each of us.

I love the cake. ^ ^

Because of these loving hearts, 5 children has grown up.

^ ^

For all parents, Happy special day.

Happy papa's day. :D

Raining again

2010-06-17T05:09:00.000-07:00

It was raining again.

It stops and comes.

I reflect at times..

Who is this person that I am looking at?

Because sometimes, we do things that is beyond what we've imagined we are.

I was outside studying with Fernando.

Then went to Jason's house to ask him about my home work

But I was too violent throughout.

In a result, his arms were swollen with scratch marks.

Even Fernando was shocked of my reaction.

I must admit, I do enjoy having fun, joking to extremes too.

But..

I've grown up.

There are times when I need to control.

Times when I need to consider for others.

Times to listen.

Times to think.

I seriously apologize.

Now, we need reminders, don't we?

That we make a mistake and need to reflect on them too.

Rain has stopped.

Time has passed..

We have aged.

This is the little joy I want to share.

I took a few picture at the library.

With the effect of pencil. WEE.

Isn't it nice?

And another full view.

When you're crying, I'll catch your tears.

When you're happy, I share your joy.

This is my simple Love for you.

My busstop

2010-06-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

I met him today.

These are the series of problems.

I should have known that this brother has grown up.

It's time to let go and let him have freedom and a choice of his own.

Sometimes, it's just what we think right.

But are we really right?

I cry over issues like.. homework can't be done.

Or.. is it.. I have yet to learnt how it is done?

No matter what, we have to try.. don't we?

Like.. how many times of fails to make it succeed?

How precious results would be if we finally succeed?

Results ain't an issue.

Family problems not much of an issue.

But the solution that we made it all clear is the key.

So.. we just need a little break for our brain to work.

There is this bus driver, who drives passengers.

"Maybe you should turn left" Passenger A says.

"Maybe you should turn right" Passenger B says.

Driver was confused and feel lost.

In the end.. He chose to drive straight.

So.. It's like life. Everyone can give you advice.

It's okay to stop now and then to have a break.

It's also okay to cry over undone or difficult work.

But we must get up on feet to continue or we will stay stagnant.

We controls our life. We are the drivers.

We can hear advice.

but decisions is up to us.

What does this tells you?

We should take a break here and then in each stop.

but remember to get back on your feet whenever you feel that you had enough of rest.

We have a goal to accomplish.

And we will. ^ ^

Our projects

2010-06-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Haha.. Click~ Check it out. I was bored in my classroom.

But back to the topic, some way, somehow, I didn't handle things as well as I thought I did.

And everyone works with me. For real. What are IMD students for?

We are those people who sits in front of the computer all day long.

Sometimes.. when we stand up.. our legs get cramps.

Or maybe.. Our butts got hot.

But they are really nice.

When I was in deep trouble with works, they are the first to rescue me.

I was kind of weird though.

I was just busy taking photos of people behind their back.

And probably, they will never know this.

So what am I doing?

You got it right.

I wasn't playing attention.

I was just too focused on people's presence around me and got too happy over it.

Guilty?

Do you have times like mine who spies on people?

No. I was just way too bored, or waiting for someone to notice or getting away a while from computer just to have fun.

After all.. these codes that is in computer, who understands then most?

Computers.

And.. So our all kind of ways to relieve our stress.

It's pretty normal though.

We doodle we draw.

We have our bad times too.

Quality of our design is not important in these doodles.

What is important,

We had fun as a class.

When you can get your sleep,

We cherish it like we've found water in desert.

Cos' school days are hectic.

Like what?

We have lesser holidays.

We sleep lesser, we spent more time in school than home.

We does more work and maybe gets nothing better in return.

This is life; so we get over it.

Still, I never get tired of eavesdropping and.. hurhur~

Laughing over their jokes quietly.

I look at them and wonder.

How did they handle everything together?

An entry -my card

Do we all have the key to walk out of our maze?

Lecturer gave hints.

We are to do.

We frustrate..

We ponder and think

We developed weird ideas that gets rejections..

We search..

We attempted to play

We communicate

We had fun together.

Ultimately, we survive it though and be cool about it.

I used to think, I'm a loner.

But says who?

I have a lot of good friends around who doesn't show themselves often.

They hide in places where I need to find them.

Like a support for one another.

That's friendship.

Come to think of it..

One friend makes another

And more..

Even though we are exhausted, we have cranky times.

It is always at the end of the day - our presentation

That we realized.. all these are worth our effort.

And it does.

"ken ken, I think I ken do it." -ken-

"No problem, just leave it to me" -pris-

"Stella ahh" -yanting-

"Do you think I should.." -farhah-

"This is freaking funny.." -marline

The taglines.. that I hope I remember them right..

Even though we compare heights..

We're together as classmates.. friends..

The lecturer who fights formality with us.

SORRY FOR BEING A NERD. I just like it when I look ugly at times. hurhur~

But as a group.. WE MADE IT!

There is nothing much like a celebrated succession.

Afterall, it's everyone's effort.

I'm still loved by everyone.

I mean everyone who cares for me.

My friends.

Awake

2010-05-16T11:12:00.001-07:00

Everyone is a writer when it comes to posting a story that you want to say.

It's whether a person enjoys it or not.

Recently, I've been trying very hard to study the way I wanted it to be.

But I still failed.

Probably my determination.

Whether it's subject optional.

It's no longer whether I can or not; it's whether how badly I wanted it.

Same goes for finding a job.

I knew it well that I'm running out of cash that I needed for myself.

But I am reluctant to find a job.

I have a story.

I wished I can be someone great.

Someone with great aspirations and dreams should fulfill it.

I regret not working hard enough to achieve what I want because I know that I can do more.

It's just a year left and I'm stranded somewhere struggling to reach for where and what I should be.

So.. Love?

Kinship and friendship.

Some conflicts and obstacles had occurred.

I still need to understand the way to communicate.

The little brain has many thinkings and thoughts but couldn't express it better.

Brush up on japanese, flash, illustration, photoshop.

Find a stable job.

The greatest regret is not missing out the fun.

It's missing out the education that you can never chase it back.

First day of school and girls

2010-04-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

It's Director's Comm Session.

First day of school for my sophomore's year in Polytechnic. ^ ^

Yea.. Everything is going backwards.

This is a freshie and Emeth. ^ ^

GOSH!! He is awesome.

He bought several flavors of "Pocky" then treat freshmen.

Used my camera to take photo.

It was pretty funny though.

Yes, Emeth again. SOLO THIS TIME ROUND.

On behalf, he and freshmen said, "We Love Stella"

That was pretty sweet.

I guess I couldn't stop laughing, seeing the smile he has on his face.

He must have enjoyed the jokes with freshmen? ._.

Moses ended his speech with "Why we do, What we do."

Pretty awesome? ^ ^

I planned to be 3 pointers.

So.. Work on flash. ^ ^

It's empty talk.

But I need to honour it. ^ ^

And for real, I predicted 12pm.

And it ended at about 12pm.

Imagine we've been here since 8.30am?

Praise us for being patient, sitting here with Moses cool talk. ^ ^

Movies of overseas exchange programmes to China, Korea, Japan and.. one more country?

AND I LOVE DOC's VIDEO THE MOST! ^ ^

Moses was still joking.

He translates the China lecturer's words to us. ^ ^"

AND HANIF!!!

And freshmen.

Look at Emeth..

It was only the beginning, he was already like that.

Oh well.

What's expected..

People will sleep for sure. ^ ^

Kelly had her letters written to friends.

Okay, look.

All Programmers are clustered here. ^ ^"

Like an opening ceremony.

No food and drinks in the theatre.

BUT WHO CARES?

Pocky is still passed around and sweets too. ^ ^

HEHE.

We love....

Then all scholars.

With the award recipients.

Gosh.. In director's list.

I wish I am. =(

Oh Oh.. Those girls asked me out for dinner. ^ ^

So.. We went on to find Min Min at Far East too. ^ ^

Our last photo before departure. ^ ^

Jessie and I was on the escalator in Dhoby Ghaut.

Imagine how short I am?

Huiyu and Xueyan was chatting. ^ ^

And she kept laughing at my jokes.

I guess this is the most gentle photo I've ever seen? LOLS.

She's always with the look of near strangling me yesterday.

What? We're waiting for MRT at..

Orchard Station. ^ ^

You must have notice and you have to.

I got new spectacle that cost $5.

It's waste of money.

I need to save up yo!!!

JOB.

Not sure why..

But I kept having hand shake even after having dinner. ^ ^

And awesome. At least we can see each other. ^ ^

This girl asked, "What's the difference taking photos from below."

HERE YOU GO.

Double chin, small eyes, nostrils.

THIS IS WHY GIRLS TAKE PHOTOS FROM THE TOP VIEW.

HERE~~!!!

Isn't it blink blink and look better? ^ ^

AND HERE~~~ ^ ^

She licked me first okay????

MY EVIDENCE.. This photo was taken first by the way. ^ ^

She just keep peeking even if she don't want to take.

Weird girl eh? ^ ^

She's a darling. ^ ^

THERE. Her cheeky smile.

Must be up to no good. LOLS.

Our normal photo. ^ ^ Don't we look focus and perfect.?

Come to think of it, we see each other only once in a blue moon.

Photos are memories in flashes. ^ ^

AND WITH HER O LIPS.

I wonder if my jokes went overboard.

There are so much things to do..

But there's so little time.

Time management?

YES.

Flower significance

2010-04-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

This is Salvia.

It symbolizes "I think of you."

I had this overwhelming feeling.

I keep dreaming.

I started to fear.

I couldn't find the person I am supposed to look for.

Where are you..

In this rain..

They had warmth.

I heard and see bliss.

Where are mine?

Am I supposed to wait for you to appear?

Before something even happens?

I shut my eyes tight.

Hope you'll appear before me.

But.. This.. I'm holding.. Thyme in my hand.

Waiting..

I need strength and courage; I need to ensure I have my peaceful sleep.

I forget everything.

Just waiting.

Heart

2010-04-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

Heart, I'm sorry.

I had to hide and let him go.

I had to hide you away.

Never to hear the song he pretend to sing.

Never to see him in contacts.

But I know very well he is doing well in korea.

He is happy.

He is with someone.

So.. you need not cry anymore.

Because you will let go..

My plans. Earn money with competition.

Add up my portfolio.

I kept singing korean songs.

But I have you here.

Heart, this is second failure.

NEVER LET YOUR PARENTS DOWN.

You need to make it to University.

NEVER let emotions get in your way.

Work your way to the top.

Using the strength of loving you to study the ability I have.

We will meet some day.

I'll be a somebody by then.

Because I will always stay this way.

I will wait for you.

I closed my eyes and prayed hard.

That one day you'll appear before me,

Holding those hands,

Telling me.. I'm your only.

I'll be someone.

Someone impressive.

Inspired one

2010-04-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

Winnie and I met up. ^ ^

We had a pleasant dinner with a korean web designer.

It was fun.

But we have to be able to communicate better.

After all, we speak different languages. ^ ^

I am also a web designer?

It was so interesting.

I like the fact that we had more topics to talk.

We joked.

We had heart to heart talk.

We talked about dreams.

And plans to realize them.

She is just this special.

This April Fool, I had become the most enlightened one?

Even though my release of result is a fool, I had lights before me.

I want to go exhibition.

I want to strive.

I need to know my family worked very hard for me to study.

I need to survive here.

I can't work so I need a solution.

I need a careful plan.

I will work toward my goal no matter what.

Winnie.. We will succeed.

We will open a boutique.

We will have our own cafe.

We will own a child care centre.

We will realize them all.

I MUST WORK HARD.

DOTC 2 2010

2010-03-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

IN CAMP!

Woah.

Okay.. Look, I still have time to blog.

It showed one thing.

WE ARE SLACKING.

Yesterday, we had a series of things to do.

Set up the ENTIRE Design School with creeps.

I must say.. Design Night Walk "ghosts" are the most excellent I've ever seen.

You see them freaked you out with chills down your spines.

Because it's based on true story in school.

It's daring.

But it's causing bad vibes to people. Serious.

Today Camp Fire!

Time to watch shows.

And we? Welfare?

YEAH. We played Taboo ALL THE WAY.

LAUGHED, JOKED.

Especially the one with Farhan's video.

Tomorrow break camp at 1pm?

Sigh. Time flies.

Another year is over.

Kezia and Wendy, my 2 heads of Welfare were looking into University scholarships.

And Schools to go to.

Where will my future be?

I'm thinking..

Seriously.

Back to the point.

LOL. I LOVE DOTC 2 can??? ^ ^

FRESHIES!!!

Unfilial

2010-03-28T06:31:00.001-07:00

I took my phone and purse.

Walked out immediately.

She continued mumbling.

He came out, offering to buy me lunch.

I tell him, "no".

Walked into the lift and watched him looked at me helplessly.

An immediate flow of tears burst out from those eyes.

No one will wipe those tears for me.

She cooked.

I just need a breath.

He wanted to protect me.

So my heart aches more than anyone do.

Pretence?

Yes.

I have to assumed nothing happened.

I'm so weak.

So damn weak.

Hiding in my dark corner trying to smile.

This is my unfilial.

I know.

And I see for myself.

Lies

2010-03-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

No, it isn't from you.

You claimed ownership.

No guilt?

I thought it was you,

So it's not.

The one I'm so in love with the song.

It's Lee Seung Gi.

Why lie?

I revealed each one..

Each disheartened me.

Don't lead me on.

Don't lie that you sang these, because you didn't.

Don't lie either.. that you're leaving later, because you flee first.

Don't escape anymore.

Because I know them all.

There is no point.

No point.

Who am I to you?

Clown?

After show clown?

Was it fun?

Lying to someone like that?

Was I so stupid that you laughed after I talked to you everytime?

Stop your nonsense.

Because you're such a good liar.

Stop lying to someone who believed your every word.

Just stop, honey.

The idiot here..

Is already in tears..

What more do you want this clown to do?

Maybe.. This is it.

I shall stop here and for all.

Plain ignorance.

revealing white lies

2010-03-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

You're really leaving in about 2 days time.

I looked at my watch and fret.

Should I go to the airport and stand somewhere far?

Will it be scary like that?

But also in 2 days time,

I'm going for a job interview. ;D

Short term job?

I need income?

So I can save enough to go university. ;D

I drew you.

I listen to songs of you.

Remind me of you.

Any korean games, songs would relate to you.

I upload the song I sang.

Because you're the source of deeper introduction to any korean interactions.

But.. the feelings are no longer that strong.

I refrained from talking to you too much.

Relying on you too much.

I looked at myself thoroughly.

I knew it well what am I.

Cinderella will marry a peasant.

Not the prince.

Because fairytale made it so true that everyone believe it all.

I cut my hair and reminded me of you.

So let it be.

My memory will fade away anyway.

I kept these entries.. just so to remember you.

Misses you.

Kangt

My white lies continues so you'll never know.

まもりたい

Mask

2010-03-18T00:07:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure..

You have someone else in mind.

So.. I backed off.

Put on a good show.

Like any other actors and actresses.

I know one day..

You will come.

The one who will bring cinderella out of this misery.

I could only smile and bid goodbye.

All the best to you.

conversation conveyed.

2010-03-14T04:32:00.000-07:00

I'm giving up my chance entirely to see you one last time.

Indulging myself with injuries all over.

Now.. I could only say bye to you over the net.

Regretting the fact that I said no to insisting to meet you.

But it's still all right.

I'm telling myself right in the face to be friends forever.

Because this is eventually the fact I need to convey to you.

And account to myself.

Pain will only last for few months.

I shall stay happy from today onwards.

Because we will always be friends forever.

I will miss you.

Kangt.

Dreaming all about you

2010-03-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

Do you remember asking me if I know who is Younha?

I continued my journey in music to hear more.

You aren't here.

I suppose you went to airport to book your ticket.

After the whole night, causing inconvenience to many people.

After so much of consolations,

I finally understood our principles.

We?

Are friends who has a special relationship.

I'm supposed to be rooted here and watch the leaves go.

There was so much fun with you during these times.

I'm really really happy.

With every word you said, I trust and believe.

Even now, I would still trust and believe that you would bring me to watch the snow.

I know it too. It won't come true anymore.

But it's okay.

I had the best dream of all.

Time to wake up from my wonderland.

Selectively forget what we had promised.

Pretend nothing has happened and bid goodbyes.

So please don't turn your head back to look at me.

I will not be able to hold those tears.

Just walk on.

So I would be brave enough to raise my hand and say byebye to you.

Remember the pizza you promised?

We had a pizza session.

You ate, I feel and tasted it.

When you showed magic, I saw the hearts.

The song you told me to sing, I have mastered it.

The songs you sang, I sing along everyday.

Just so to recognise and remember your voice.

The lyrics you showed are still in my folder.

The pictures we took, you showed, I kept them.

The games you wanted to play with me,

I couldn't play, but remembered deeply.

Every little details.

I'm writing them all down.

So I will remember them for life.

I can't call your name here.

But.. I always..wanted to pronounce the word you taught me how to write.

Read the word you taught me how to pronounce.

And ask you how do you say this words "좋아해"

I will always remember how you looked when you were surprised.

When you were smiling,

When you were styling your hair,

When you wore your spectacles,

When you were shy,

When you feel touched,

When you feel bored,

When you are confused,

When you looked down,

When you were eager.

So many little things.

It's okay. It's really okay.

I am here.

Wherever you are, I am still here.

Even if the girl who wore the wedding dress is not me.

Even if the girl who puts on the wedding ring is not me.

Even if the girl who manages to travel on the plane with you always is not me.

Even if the girl who hugs you is not me,

Even if the girl who is able to hold your hand is not me.

Because I can still be the girl who misses you.

Be the girl who holds a heart of a sister.

Watching you..

We still share the same sky.

We just stand on different land.

We just watch the sunrise and sunset at a different time.

We just couldn't talk face to face but online.

I still can tell you my jokes.

My life.

Silently, I still miss you.

I did the heart-shaped sign you did again and again,

Smiling to myself, imagining you saw me.

Because I can still imagine that you're somewhere near.

Even if you forget me.

I can see you someday soon.

In your country.

That's enough.

I'm dreaming in a dream that I had to wake up soon someday.

All about you.

Cinderella's wish.

2010-03-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

I'm the cinderella who can't attend the prince's party invitation.

Because I don't have a pretty gown.

Because I don't have a decent pair of shoes.

Because I don't have a carriage to bring me to your palace.

I looked at the price of each things I had to pay.

I shook my head..

I couldn't afford.. to go with you.

2 weeks.. I am going to watch you offline 2 weeks.

Write you 14 letters, cry 14 days.

Before you return and say bye to me again.

Can I follow you?

Can I..?

I need my fairy godmother.

I want to see you.

Anata ga aitai..

I want to see you...

irrational

2010-03-10T01:54:00.000-08:00

My uncertain philosophy is gone.

My irritating conversation stings sometimes.

Nothing beats..

THE POSSIBILITY TO GO JAPAN WITH YOU!!!

Goodness.. I want to go Japan so much.

You finally want to see me?

Friday.. Friday..

I wanted so much to hear from you.

I wondered if I'm too aggressive.

But I'm so so happy~~

Bid goodbye

2010-03-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here.

Digesting every word that I have for you.

I know I may not be able to see the day come.

But I'm still hoping with a glimpse of hope,

Just so I can see you.

I'm indulging in the day that I would fall for you completely one day.

Imagining the days I would spend with you wherever I go with you.

Just knowing you is my biggest bliss.

I held so tightly in hand, listening to each of your word in your songs..

I sang along again and again.

To be able to know you, see you, hear you, like you, fall for you.

I may be the most fortunate girl in the world.

I never want to forget you.

Bring my smile along with you as I would lost the chance to see you again.

I wished I could go wherever you go.

And be surprised how much I miss and like you..

Just so as I do.

I have less than 3 weeks to talk to you before you leave here..

Leaving these words here and never tell you.

I'm sorry.

I wanted so much to go Japan with you.

But I wondered the possibilities.

Back in my world, my tears fell.

In reluctance to say the 2 words,

"byebye"

Wanted to pronounce the word to you that you taught me how to write so much.

"sarang hae"

I miss you, kangt.

Just so to fall for you

2010-03-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

If this world is imperfect, it must be waiting for us to perfect it.

Just like the world has little love,

It must be waiting for us to to be courageous enough to find them together.

The leaves fall to create a garden

Hand in hand to overcome the winter

Every butterfly becomes a cocoon because it wants to fly

The horizon is on the surface

Just so people would be reluctant to leave.

If it isn't so far to be by your side

I wouldn't be so courageous.

When I finally have a place in your heart

Share the same world

After overcoming all obstacles

Everything turn wonderful

Only I would understand this happiness

So beautiful that it is all worth contributing.

To able to meet you, know you, like you, fall for you

I am grateful with every tear

Only you understand how precious I am

So much that you changed for me.

Please continue to shower your gentleness on me

In exchange for my bright smiles.

Everyday until forever.

Falling for you is so fortunate

Just like an angel's gift

Let's not let this happiness down.

We must be happier

If love is so little in the world

We should protect the love that we attained through hardship together so we would not be disturbed.

When you finally appear before me

Completing the entire picture

Even if we had gone through so much

Everything left was happiness

Just like after rain, clouds are cleared, the sky is wide and clear

Every dawn requires night to be present

Going around to see every melody

Are lines that we had to go through just to fall for you

只為愛上你

2010-03-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

如果说这世界不够完美不够好

一定是在等我们亲手给它变得美好

就像爱看起来会那么少一定是

在等我们一起勇敢的寻找一起找到

一片片落叶为开出个花园

手牵手捱过整个冬天

每只蝴蝶为了飞

为了翩翩起舞先做一个茧

最美海岸线总是要很蜿蜒

才足够让人忘返流连

你的身边要不是

比天边还遥远勇气怎么出现

当我终于住进你的心里

分享同一个世界

身后错过痛过漫长情节

都变甜美

只有我了解这幸福感觉

美得值得去付出一切

能够遇见你认识你喜欢你爱上你

感谢我每滴眼泪

只有你明白我有多珍贵

好得值得你为我改变

请你继续温柔交换我灿烂笑容

一天一天到永远那一天

yeh 爱上你有多幸运

像是天使的礼物

我们不要辜负这幸福

一定要更加幸福

如果爱真的是那么的少

我们就 一起守护我们得来不易的爱不被打扰

当你终于走到我的面前

完整所有的画面

就算苦辣酸甜尝过一遍

只剩喜悦

像是大雨过后晴朗的天宽阔而耀眼

每个黎明都需要有夜成全

往回看每兜一个圈

每一条迂回的曲线

都是为爱上你必须留的伏线

Monster

2010-03-03T00:38:00.001-08:00

I guess it has always been an intention to talk for fun.

You have little courage to see me.

I'm the scary persuasive monster.

You couldn't promise.

But you had to promise.

So you got to break those promises.

I dream. I saw.

So I'm still dreaming.

What a cute scenario.

You're just like a toddler who is playing hide and seek with big sister.

I coaxed you to eating my candy.

Then you can be caught up.

OMG.

It's getting so funny.

The fact is, you don't want to see me.

But you can't say them.

So my heart breaks once more.

I hope I am jumping into conclusions and not a fact.

The name I once loved

2010-03-02T03:19:00.001-08:00

I endured for so long.

It's time to say..

The name I once loved

I should let go now..

Freezing at the corner, crying..is useless.

I should grow up by now.

내가 사랑했던 이름

I cant miss you; waiting for you makes me tired

I cant endure anymore and I cant realize this

Love that cant be together can also be known as Love

I cant handle the love memories and feelings alone

I cant start this, I can only miss you secretly in my heart

I am writing your name on a paper and forever kept it in my heart

Your name is the name I once loved.

A brand new song

2010-03-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

Your new song is almost done.

Every word filled up with your longing.

I listened attentively.

I was near crying.

I pretend to be so ignorant over the song.

How to bear a heart of a sister, watching him miss her.

I'm learning.

I'm giving myself a chance to breathe.

I'm giving myself ways to let go.

I fell down..

In reluctance to stand up, you continued your journey.

You have a song for her.

I have a song for you.

I heard your song for her.

But you'll never be able to hear mine.

The heart of a sister..

Miss you

2010-03-01T03:46:00.000-08:00

Hey hey,

Goodness, I really really feel so touched that you trust me.

I felt so relieved.

At the same time, I fear so much that I might hurt you with the words.

These doubts will be slight distrust?

From your reactions, I see disappointment.

I.. really feel so guilty, so bad.

And yet, from here, I can't express how I feel for you.

I had to pretend nothing.

Because.. we can't be together.

No matter how much I miss you,

No matter how much I like you,

I covered my face with the cruel mask.

So you won't see.

I wish.. I could say I like you boldly.

Then.. I don't have to just watch you.

I look forward to every weekend, pushing away all appointments,

Just to wait for your arrival online.

I didn't know I miss you so badly.

But I know it's getting worse.

I just miss you.

Closed my eyes.. I see you.

I put on the ear piece and hear you sing.

I sing along.

Just so to ease missing of you.

Work

2010-03-01T03:42:00.000-08:00

Woah woah..

I'm finally done with my P1.

But new work coming up.

It feels kind of up to neck.

NO ONE IS IN SCHOOL????

I started to have holiday mood too. =/

Html. ._.

We are all stuck and dead.

HISTORY.. ._.

Although we have yet to face the hectic life of doing these designs, I feel and foresee the upcoming pressure that is approaching.

NOT A GOOD NEWS.

I shall be my good girl and finish up the work. ;D

Sing along alone

2010-02-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

We don't have a topic anymore.

The silence filled my air.

I smiled.

I looked at her photos.

I finally understand why she is the one.

Because both of you have a deep connection between each other.

Wondering how many days have you counted to wait for her return.

Is she looking at the sky, missing you?

Just like how you missed her.

Your ring that she put on shines so brightly.

I couldn't figure out how much these 3 years you've been with her,

The happiness and sadness, fun and boredom.

You spoke only her words.

You were asking me if you should give up.

What if she is missing you too?

What if she has a change of heart?

Are you going to wait?

I smiled with rejoice of your longing.

But heart swayed along.

I listened to each song you sing.

Each song you taught.

Singing attentively to the rhythm.

Because this will be the last 5 months I would see you ever.

I teared.

So you and her belong together.

I will always support you from faraway.

A heart of an older sister.

Because I'm not your girl.

A song I sing along alone from 5 months time.

A day without you.

2010-02-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

Before the sunrise, my legs brought me to the park.

Fulfilling every bit of energy converting to all the misses.

I feel and hear..

"Stella, come on, run faster. Don't give up.."

"Go on, catch up with me."

That imaginary you run by my side and smiled.

I fell asleep in my dreams again.

Heard your voice..

Saw myself in the studio.

"Stella, you could improve from here.."

You sang.. And I woke up by your voice.

I've reached the place.

We.. aren't so far. But we are that far.

I sang the song bit by bit.

My heart continue to fade and turned into ashes.

How much I miss you..

Learning new Korean songs.

You sang from your heart.

I understand them finally.

Because you sang for her.

And I learn to sing for you.

I fade off in the air..

Grasp that little bit of air.

My heart ached both ways.

I ran further..

You had forgotten..

I will forget too..very soon..

2010-02-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

I see this in your eyes.

I was speechless..

I knew it..

We'll be in a distance..

I rather be sister.

Forget me not.

I just.. miss you..

My little baby brother..

사랑해

2010-02-20T22:16:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard?

I'm so confused..

We knew the outcome.

Shouldn't I just.. stay quiet.

Forget the dream last night.

I looked at the conversation.

Confused..

Writing the words..

Practicing the words you wrote.

Tired.

Looking at the same thing.

My boring words..

My heart immersed with all the overflowing winter sonata.

2 people from 2 different world met.

The impossible of impossibles.

I count my days.

To bid goodbye is the most reluctant thing I could bring myself to do.

We're not the same.

I could.. hear my heart breaking..

Crying..

She's waiting for you there.

Your family too.

I got to let go of this little brother's hand.

Kangt.

I miss you..

So much.

사랑해..

Crush on you

2010-02-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

I saw you.

I hear you.

We're this far.

We couldn't reach each other.

Neither do you.

I waited for you.

And you do.

You gave up sleeping time to talk to me.

I gave up my working time to talk to you.

It's a simple talk that last for hours and hours.

But we won't get bored.

She was far away from you.

We didn't know what to do.

I watch you, you watch me and her, and she watch you.

This simple 4 words..

Sarang hae..

I.. couldn't stop feeling the same way you do.

Your song, your voice, your face, your heart..

Stays at this moment.

I hope..I'm not dreaming.

I have a crush on you.

White lies

2010-01-20T10:09:00.000-08:00

I know you're so near..

But so far..

I made a lie to you and myself.

Living in the world of two when it's only one.

I know you are living happily ever after with your Cinderella.

And I'm no part of it.

I watched you go further and further until I only see trails of steps you have gone so far away from me.

To this, I wish you all the best.

Your sister always.

I'm still missing you..

Where are you..?

When will you appear before me?

I'll just keep waiting until you stand before me..

To tell you what's in heart for so long.

Found you yet?

2010-01-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

It feels sad to have separations.

Dango.. has a story of.. continual reunion..

It's not hard to find an eye candy at all when you wants one.

Just that you tend to want possess after that.

It's a natural reaction.

Even so, it's not reciprocated.

It's alone.

So, love seeds carried but never blooms.

We wait together~

Dango Dango~

So.. we shall see.

You are someone.. different?

But words only.

Tasted the bitter.

So we must choose wisely.

I'll watch out for my dango.

Some day.. it will bloom, I'm so sure.

Because you are too far from me.

So I'll wait for your arrival. Always.

Dango daikazoku

2010-01-13T00:53:00.000-08:00

Dango Daikazoku

Japanese:
dango dango dango dango dango daikazoku
yancha na yaki dango
yasashii an dango
minna minna awasete hyaku nin kazoku
akachan dango wa itsumo
shiawase no naka de
toshiyori dango wa me wo hosometeru
nakayoshi dango te wo tsunagi
ookina marui wa ni naru yo
machi wo tsukuri dango boshi no ue minna de waraiau yo
usagi mo sora de te wo futtemiteru
dekkai otsukisamaureshii koto kanashii koto mo zenbu marumete~

English:
The big dumpling family
The mischievous roasted dumpling,
the gentle bean jam dumpling.
Put all of them together to make a family of one hundred
The baby dumpling is always in the midst of happiness
The old dumpling narrows his eyes
The friendly dumplings all hold hands and create a big round ring
They laugh together while making towns on the dumpling star
The rabbits wave from the big moon in the sky
It takes all the happy and sad things and rounds them up

SWEETS

2010-01-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

I want an eye candy. ;D

It feels so sweet to have someone you can care for.

Just one more.. > <

One more person to care for. ;D

2010-01-03T07:13:00.001-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STELLA!!! HAHAS.

I'm 19!!!! ;D

Super happy.. ;D

MERRY CHRISTMAS '09

2010-01-03T05:54:00.000-08:00

Wow. Lols. How long have I not updated? ;D

This is our annual celebration of CHRISTMAS.

So, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I must say it's a splendid Christmas. Lols.

Too bad, gorgor didn't managed to join us.

The Grand buffet was the best.. lols.

But I didn't finish them.

Before that.. Some photos should be taken first. HAHAs..

Me and meimei

The party hat they gave? ;D

My siblings and mother.

Again. With the joker brother. ;D

Mummy and me.

My papa. Because he's not cooperative. SO CANNOT BLAME ME FOR BEING ROUGH.

Meimei and mama. Lols. And she always stares blank.

Adjusting her hat.

This masked man.LOL.

And moi. lols.

meimei..

Mr Ben.

Lols. NOT WINE. Is just coke.

Papa and brother.

This is uncle Paul who is engrossed in performance.

HEES.

And the whole thing is.. He just enjoys his psp. ;D

Guess what? He's heading off somewhere again.

My papa was talking to some uncles.

I played the games too. It.. Project Diva, I think.

We went home with our stomach full. VERY FULL. LOL. ;D

What's next?

Hahas. The school's TPSU CHRISTMAS GATHERING. ;D

It was exceptionally great. ;D HAHAS.

There were durians for Christmas, some awkward gift for guys?

And my gift was wrapped a hammer.

Wait, wait.. LOL. This is a uniform party~!

JANG! lols. This is the gift I got.

What's this?

The shoes slot? lols.

We didn't know.. Until the person who prepared this came forth to tell me. ;D HAHAs..

KAIJIE.. The most loyal and on SU subcommittee. LOL..and most quiet one.

This is.. LOLs.. Kaiwen..in girls' scout uniform.

And who is sneaking behind us?

EEPING~

Gosh, I got no idea why it turn out like that. LOL.

HAHAS. DEAN! lols. Don't play play.

From ACS barker.

The one holding guitar is.. Fabian.

LOL. Beside, is mich and Kaiwen again. ;D

I realized.. that they are rehearsing. ;D

KAIWEN.

Lols. Hahas. After that, they went to Chomp Chomp.

Oh well, I didn't go. =/

Nevertheless, I went home with Ferlycia and Aw..

I shouldn't push my memory too far.. lols. ;D

But this 2009.. was really great. hahas.

We had a countdown party.

HAHAS. At vivo.

And guess what?

I got into OTC~ lols.

I went to countdown with Ketsu.

LOLS. I didn't upload the photos here though. lols.

Too much to share. lols.

We were too noisy and got chased after by police. LOL.

So we didn't report our school.

Who's so stupid as to do that? lols.

I shan't say how naughty we are to fake someone else's school.

LOL.

But forfeiting was fun.

Because I'm NOT INVOLVED.

Hahas.

Later we went to walk down the street in town.

And CHEERED!! lols.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to the black.. and eat a lot~

Later CPR, me and Shermaine can't go home late.

So we share cab home. ;D

$24.50..

IT'S INHUMANE.

People are snatching little girls' cab!!!!

Even the hotline is not available. It's hell.

Midnight surcharge and call.

T^T

Anyway, I'm HAPPY. HAHAs.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Day with Winnie

2009-12-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

DAY WITH WINNIE.

It's like so happy~!!!!

Yesterday, she came over to Temasek Polytechnic to have lunch with me.

HOW SWEET.

I thought we weren't as close after so long.

It's like months after another that we saw each other.

Then I held her hand walking around my school.

Tell her my cliques, stories, best food in school.

Oh well. SPLENDID.

It has been so long since we talked like that.

Most impressively, we share a 4 to 5 years friendship.

It's almost half a decade.

We're still so close.

It feels so much that time flies.

So fast that we have all grown up, no longer keeps the childish part of us.

Or maybe it's just me.

Hearing that she is doing well, I'm relieved.

Besides, her A levels means no feat.

First time in my lifetime with her, hearing that she lost sleep, feel stressed, was depressed.

I feel slight guilt in myself though.

I wasn't there when she needed support.

I smsed her though.

But because she's so awesome, I'm going to reward her.

For our next outing, I wish I could treat her something?

Initially, I had gifts for her.

But couldn't make it in a short notice.

Besides, I have plenty of work to complete.

I WILL GIVE HER SOMETHING.

She deserve good treats.

Hees.

YEAH MEETING HER UP AGAIN.

And talking about her, she thinks of me~HEH.

OKAY~ Ciaos~!

Have to get prepared. =D

Daily routines

2009-12-02T22:29:00.000-08:00

I feel so tired.

But counting my days left.

I don't have time.

Pictograms presentation on Tuesday.

So I intend to work all the way, regardless of the hard work.

Moses SCARES me.

Oh, brief introduction.

Moses is the director of Design School.

That makes him the principal of Design School if you need further elaborations.

WHY HE SCARES ME?

CJ and me are doing work on the Corporate Logo Assignment,

He stood at the right side of the glass panels, looking into the Mac Laboratory with his distinguish guests.

*Oh my goodness*

WHO WOULD HAVE NOTICE?

Thank goodness, I was only on one earpiece when he called us out.

Why so? Because the other one is too short! It's the Ericssion's earpieces.

He did a short spot check to see if we are students of Design School.

Oh well, we're just a year one student. How would he totally remember who we are.

*laughs*

No intentions to be rude.

But we didn't say Hi.

Hopefully, Fion would pass her Drawing Essential with the "picture" too.

OH WELL. If you run out of idea from computer, go back to hand on work. DRAW!

Seriously, pictograms, brochures, logo, letterhead, envelope, name card, developments and colour schemes with compilations of SERIES of folder as a WHOLE.

People, no wonder it takes a month.

Oh well. Third week.. What we call it the Rush hours.

Gees. "Japanese lesson at night"

After lunch at school, buy shoes, and back home~

We must work harder.

Yeah. Done with fonts.

Now, I shall follow the guidelines.

Isn't it once in a while I share lifestyle of mine?

My dream will come true.

simplicity

2009-12-01T09:26:00.000-08:00

I had 3 glasses of my first in a lifetime alcohol by honey.

I don't remember the names.

And spent most of my time.. resting.

We went to 40 storey for sightseeing and bought plaster.

I get confused who you are in others' eyes when you're with me.

Nevertheless, you'll always my honey in my eyes.

Fading conversation

2009-12-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

Everyday feels like drifting.

I didn't know where I went to, did what, why there.

Again, I started to rely.

I started to stop thinking, let others do it for me.

I will continue to lose part and parcel of my memories.

Until I left bits and pieces.

I don't know if it's for real or just an attention I want.

Half true probably. So don't trust me completely.

Why did I turn out like that?

But the sky is dark; too dark for me to see anything else.

The thing is.. my heart is beating at a different beat;

My breathing is going in a different pace;

And my eyes only gave me the vague vision of your face.

Vague voice, vague memories.

And it pains.

The embrace is my only consolation from you.

I don't dare to dream of you walking with me.

I don't dare to hold your hand.

I don't dare to go close to you.

For my fear has way overwhelmed me with what ifs.

I must be responsible.

Do I deserve..."you"?

Are we only friends, good friends you've mentioned?

My heart stings a little when you stated.

Oblivious.

Do you understand?

An intelligent slightest hint I wanted to say?

I don't spell for I'm a retard.

I twisted all words; so you don't hear them easily.

I despise the weak constitution I have.

For my incapability to protect, guard you.

I'm not weak. Just weak.

Slowly, I began to hear..well.

Your meaning. Your answer to the question I wanted to ask.

I'm starting to fall for you.

Step back.

Because I don't deserve.

I looked away in teary eyes for the known.

We hide.

We run.

We escape.

There is nothing more than bright aboard.

I'm a girl.

A girl whom fall for someone whom she shouldn't.

I know my stand.

I'm not a girl whom you would say promiscuous.

Because we never meant it that way.

This is not sympathy for each others' loneliness.

Not complications of company till future partners' arrival.

Because I'm a girl.

You're the special.

The one I never expect, never encounter.

The premature.

The gentle.

The considerate; the caring.

It was a splendid day I've ever had.

But here I was sleeping, the growing eraser in my head is working.

Don't you mind at all?

Isn't it irritating?

If I can't accept myself, how else can I accept anyone?

The main reason I'm not in love.

Running in my mind.

So.. Do you think we should end this?

Minds

2009-11-20T08:45:00.001-08:00

I didn't know your face filled the possible images in my mind.

However, I know we we can only be this far.

We will always be the way we are now..

Until you leave me..

Coming

2009-11-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

The Adobe finally works.

=D I can finally rest at ease.

Awesome. Everyone's final is hung up.

Upload soon.

Gees.. I kept saying upload but to no avail.

I shall see what I owe myself. =D

AWESOME. LOGO is kind of chosen.

This module is heavy.

We have to design a corporate logo.

So far, so good.

The mood board too.

I better start researching on companies and do my mood board.

I missed SU's outing again.

Out of impulse, I thought of quitting again.

I should persevere.

My work load is heavier than other schools, so I must work doubly hard to be with them.

I will stay on.

I began to have more and more bad feelings about the zoo.

They doesn't seem to respect who you are as long as you do well.

I'll prove that I'm capable.

But oh well, what the hell.

Even working as a relief teacher, it's about $55 per day.

So what is this job anyway?

Gee. Pardon me for my rumbles.

Whenever I listen to "ice cream", I think of you.

Although you walked away, you're in a distance.

I simply remember how your smile goes..

Now that I have more responsibilities in work, home and friends.

I'll work my way there.

And.. all wives.. with a new one. =D

We celebrate. =D

Plans

2009-11-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

I bought the Adobe Web Premier. But it doesn't work. =(

Saddened. How am I going to do my graphics? I don't want to stay in school for just it. =(

Oh well.

HECTIC.

The whole modules.. I have been struggling?

What about the P1.? I start to worry.

Awesome. I did well for my Chingay sketches.

The piece was chosen for competition along with my 9 other friends.

So we have been sniffing Thinner for the past... one week.

I feel like an addict now.

I may see a doctor.

Okay.. I missed my Japanese lesson which is thousand of unwillingness.

Now, I feel like learning driving and piano.

Some to think of it..

I fell in love with an instrument.

The violin.

An awe instrument that projects romantic, emotional, slight sympathy music.

OH WELL.

I have work tomorrow.

In zoo. ALONE. SHALL SLEEP NOW.

They says.

2009-11-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

Confucius

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision; and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

Charles Caleb Colton

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.

Charles Caleb Colton

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them.

Charles Caleb Colton

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.

Confucius

If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.

Marva Collins

Because I thought maybe I could. But everything else turned out otherwise.

I will be the one who you think and I think I should be.

more rest

2009-10-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's a happy day.

Finally, a day I can wake up later than usual.

Last week, I had to wake up at 6.30am or 7am for work and school.

Okay. Back to school till night.

Just so to finish up my final painting.

Cool, I drew a charcoal drawing.

Slightly animated.

I began to miss short hair again. =(

I'll upload the picture some time.

The japanese test was a success. =D

I will pass.

And what else? Research for illustrator and photoshop.

Stressed.

I don't have the software.

Hopefully, Leslie's software can work. =D

Okay. Let's hope I clear every assignment by this weekend. =/

The more I look away, the more it fades away.

I think.. I begin to forget this feeling.

Friends.. are forever.

Regardless good or bad, close or distant.

Stacks of work

2009-10-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick post~
Mm.. One cleared. Assignment 3 for visual presentation.
AND A PILE OF 2D art work.

Oh well.
Back to library for drawings.
Chingay competition/assignment in progress.

Absolutely no time to rest.
I could hardly squeeze out time to go online. =/
But it's okay.

This weekend~ WOAH.
Going to the halloween!
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR DEAR SHIT.
My mummy.
Okay okay.. I'll make her a nice nice card and a gift box.

No lesson tomorrow for VP.
FINALLY.

AND LAST..
Ramizah, Grace, Teresa, Catherine, SO ON.
SEE YOU ON SUNDAY.
Hees. I wish I could join you for the halloween on Sat. =(
I've got a date with my sisters. =/

Anyway, WORK HARD.
Gees.. Japanese test today.
Stella will pass with flying colours..

Conversation you won't hear

2009-10-26T00:45:00.000-07:00

People says, I'm over sensitive.

People says, I'm over reacting.

People says, I need to be more ignorant.

People says, I think too much.

But it turned out that.. I spotted on.

Many says, girls' intuition is accurate.

面白いですね?

I took my precaution?

もう一回..

確かだよ..

これが>最後だからみたいに遊びに行きましょう..

わたしに大事にする時を過ごした..

It's okay.

I'm quite prepared beforehand.

It was an unforgettable weekend.

I will update soon!

Here.. Back to work.

4 assignments to be completed by tonight.

私は彼らの幸福を心から願っています..

二人が幸せでありますように..

永遠に..

I'll keep this little secret of mine forever.

This is the final distance to the month.

Slightly shivered

The gap we won't see.

Rain pours, snow falls.

A slight break that is hardly understandable.

The slightest breath.

Here do us part.

Drift

2009-10-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

TIRED~!

Tomorrow has Director's Comm Session.

MEANS.. see Design school's "principal".

OMG. 8.30am? In LT?

TIRED.

I got an assignment in hand, a free hand drawing~

TRYING.. Mm.. What is that called..

Media.. Paint, water colour.. So on~

The visual presentation: NEATLY PRESENTS.

WAAA.. P1 is coming. I'm like.. SO DEAD.

WORK DOUBLY HARD~!!!!!!

Time is packed!

Saturday and Sundays are no jokes.

WORK in ZOO.

WEEE~~~

I'm excited.~!

And the speech tomorrow as well.

I think.. I may sleep.

OKAY~ Colours wheels painting tomorrow~ WAAA..

SO CUTE.

I'm a little sad.

Starting to drift even with my cliques..

It's like I'm alienated..

OH WELL!

Let's hope, tomorrow is real FUN.

OH YA.. I see.. If I can change my CDS.

SADDED.. T^T

Letter to you

2009-10-18T09:00:00.001-07:00

I know it's unbelievable.

But...to keep a smile, a laughter, a friendship or even the unknown admire, has meanings.

These are words, flashbacks and unspeakable I will bury deep in heart.

Remember how you smiled, joked, laughed.

I'm willing to be the another friend, the girl who listens.

Be the girl next door.. Soulmate.

Because you worth them more than just a short together.

I know.. We don't talk the way we used to.

BUT~ I've always.. enjoyed every conversation, enjoyed every bit of your company.

Nothing can be better than being your best friend.

I like you. But.. I want to be your friend more.

Let heart goes the way it should.

It's the happiest, most desirable and meaningful holiday I've ever had.

Thank you, Mr silly. =D

Cheers! Friendship forever!!!!!

Keep in contact. Like we always do. =D

2009-10-17T23:29:00.000-07:00

I have all the words in the world.

But speechless, emptied my brain.

Today is the last day of my holiday.

I feel like..finding something really meaningful to do.

I'll do revision for Japanese.

Then, do some sketches.

Find a book to read.

Go out to take a walk later in the afternoon..

EXCITED.. Meeting new classmates.

I shall stay in school to do my practices.

YEAH! I must get my ADOBE soon~

COOL.

I miss you.. but I can't say.

chicken nugget french fries steamboat

2009-10-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

AHH~~~ THIS! I LOVE.

I was in the library trying to do this.

I better get my adobe soon.

OR MEET YOUR DOOMS NEXT MONTH.

SO CUTE~ I LIKES. xD

School

2009-10-17T03:14:00.001-07:00

The school is reopening on the 19th of October.

Mm.. 9am till 6pm.

It feels weird though.

After seeing the schedule, somehow, I am not hoping to start school that soon.

Visual presentation and 2D Art fundamental.

It's not going to be easy again.

But seems like..the schedule has less activity as compared to the previous semester though.

YEAH~!!!

I'm going for lounge duty on..Monday and Wednesday.

Therefore it will be 1pm for now.

Mm. I signed up for Open house, Badge day.

So I have to prepare.. There are a lot coming up.

I just know.. I'll never walk into a "never get an answer place".

I have to much urge to say, "Let's stay as friends forever."

Because.. Being your friend is better than anything else.

Truly.

I walked.. I saw.. I noticed every bit of your moves.

I know the next outing, we'll be just friends.

No more other than being your buddy.

I'll never get a taste of ice cream.

But.. I get to see it forever.

I will leave for further studies when I graduate~ REALLY.

BEST CLASS

2009-10-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

This is the recent chalet.

My secondary school outing.

Joseph and me~ LOL. you know, he's real tall. Finally once shorter than me.

This is the class 1C then. Now we all graduated. =D

Not forgetting the girls! lols. Our class tee!
And when I just joined Poly. My first outing. At Sakae.
OMG. I don't know how roy took this.
And our museum TRIP. YONG. lols. Bullied.
Lols. The cliques. HAHAs. Brina, Fion, Yen, Jane and Hanif.
Our first funny faces and taking photos sessions.
The Jan-ken-pon. LOL. Bruises all over. But victories for all!
Our first module, 3D arts.
The unglam shot of edward asleep.
The class confession/accusation of roy. Scandal of Roy and Edward.
LOL. Another one.
Joanne's unglam shot. LOL
Alim's caricature. Hilarious!
Mathias and Stella. This is my photography lecturer! =D
And we are on our.. last assignment.
Stare blank, by roy.
And their taking photos behind the panel. Smiles. by roy again.
I forgot who took this. but we're still taking photos.
Our Class clash in MACS.
Uh.. Joking about scandals of? Roy and Edward.
Doing my AG.
Tired.
Esther's birthday~
And talking.
And laughters.
And my unglam auntie look.
And photos again.
My daughter gen
OUR CLIQUES. some are missing though.
Jane and hanif~!
My unglam chewing photos again. with them. lols
Roy's funny shot.
And we were discussing food.
MY COOKIE, Beloved Hanif. =D
HEEs. My son in law took it. Amirul.
My son in law and daughter. Jan-ken-pon
TRIP TO MUSEUM.
Roy's birthday. My only photo of that day. JOANNE.
amirul's work~
Brina's birthday with me!
And my awesome class. LOVES
We JUMPED. Last module of the Sem!
And? Random photos!
We love IMD A.
The closeness bond. NEVER BREAKS.

PEOPLE HAPPY TODAY. I SHOW YOU NICE VICTORIOUS PHOTOS. =D

Gee.. facebook loads long~

What should I do today? mm..

Groceries.. Study Japanese. RUNNING?

I'M BORED!

Lols. Our best shots are over here. the coolest, the craziest.

I JUST LOVE MY CLASS..

I can't imagine me without them.

It would be so lifeless. =(

Because of them, we had the most enjoyable module. =)